Sunday, October 2, 2011

OAKLAND, CALIFORNIA

A young liquor store cashier reported seeing an unidentified individual crouching in the corner of the dry goods section on 24th and Telegraph.  He was seen chewing on raw pasta, making a 'crunching noise' according to the witness.  When approached, the individual was seen to be leaking a green fluid on the floor.  The individual was black, male, and 20-30 years old, 6'3'.  He was wearing a black hoodie and a green bandana.  When approached, he instantly " 'disappeared' like in that Bone Thugs video."

Bernard Melekian, of Oakland police was interviewed at the local Vegan Soul food Restaurant, Soley Vegan.  He was using pepper spray to season his oatmeal while several high level detectives actually shut off their simplex radios and worked together in a matter of three hours to shift this file to highest level priority.

'We should have this resolved in a matter of months.  After we re-animate Oscar Grant using Egyptian micro-chips."


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